Damn..

While walking home last night, I witnessed a scene right out of a “telenovela”, two girls were having a catfight while the guy they were fighting about was in the middle, obviously defending the other girl from the wronged one, and I was not sure who the “protagonist” and the “antagonist” in the unfolding drama. Obviously, it was the guy who was at the eye of the storm, he was the one who made the “two-timing” on both girls.

And I can’t help but wonder, will I act the same way If I bumped into my ex with his current girlfriend? How will I react to the situation? I know that the metro is really small, and you can’t help but bump into someone from your past. The other day, I was in the bus with a classmate from elementary, and it was surprising that after 20 long years, I still remember the girl’s face as well as her complete name, so we played catching up, and since she was also my classmate from high school, I tend to blur names since I also thought she was my classmate since first grade. I just realized that I was a transferee in that school when I was on my fourth grade. That’s degressing from my original story. Going back, the guy was shouting at the other girl while she was clawing her “talons” (to those who are not well-read, “talons” are reserved for birds, specifically parrots and eagles, thus, those are other names for nails), and the ensuing scene was downright pathetic.

Hell knows no wrath to a woman scorned, and I just can’t help but think, are those 2 women on a verge of a breakdown, the guy was not even a looker, he was downright ugly. Let me think, did he promised heaven and earth to both women when he was scoring their cherries? The things a guy will do to score, but are we missing something here? If I were the 2 girls, they should both dump the bastard, he does not deserve that attention. In case I bump into an ex, I will just have a naughty smile, something that says, “Hello girlfriend! I was there first, and I know that you are his present sugar mommy, and I just can’t help but feel sorry, I had your man for a song”. Isn’t that bitchy enough? Or how about this, I will make a scene, and cry my heart out, but that will just make me a pathetic loser. Listening to Pussycat Dolls’ song, “Don’t you wish your girlfriend was hot like me….”, Hahahaha!

I know the feeling, of being betrayed, of being lied to, and it has been done over and over again that I am already numbed, I am just a bitter person, someone who is walking wounded, half alive and half dead. I have kissed to many frogs hoping they will turn into princes, but lo and behold, they are still frogs. And what I got, nothing but a broken heart. I am just amazed how resilient the human heart is, it will break, and yet, it will grow again, stronger than before. We will never learn the right ways of loving, because love entails no thinking, it is all about giving. When we are in love, we throw caution to the wind. We forget who we are and we are under the spell that love will eventually save the day.

Fuck those Disney movies, in reality, Hans Andersen’s ending of “The Little Mermaid” is tragic, the girl turned into a seafoam while Disney bastardized it by giving Ariel a happy ending, she got Prince Erich. Damn.

Reconstruction After Brokenness

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me...to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning...that he might be glorified. Isaiah 611,3

George Sweeting says, "An ordinary bar of steel costs only a few dollars. If it is hammered into horseshoes, its price doubles. Made into needles, its value escalates a hundred times. Fashioned into springs for fine watches, its worth becomes incalculable."

Sometimes God allows the breaking that eventually produces something of great value, having been in the fire, having sustained the blows of life, having grown strong in the broken places.

Who said that life is fair? Who are we to determine if life is just or equitable?

When Jacob feared for his life as his brother Esau and some 400 armed men approached him he turned to the Lord. That encounter was characterized by his struggle with the Angel of the Lord. From that point on, he walked with a limp-the sign of his broken body and spirit, but God gave him a new name, Israel , and used him to birth a nation.

Remember that following the brokenness of an imperfect world, God gives strength in the broken place. He's still in the business of healing, sustaining, and remaking.

Nothing that life throws at you can carry you beyond His grace and care. God doesn't fix everything, but He gives grace for everything, and that makes the difference that produces strength in the broken place.

When trouble knocks on your door, don't waste the suffering. Allow God to demonstrate that at the point of your pain and helplessness comes His healing strength and sustaining presence that allows the broken place to become stronger.

Creating Affluence by Deepak Chopra

Once upon a time in a faraway land, a young man went to the forest and said to his spiritual master, "I want to have unlimited wealth, and with that unlimited wealth, I want to help and heal the world. Will you please tell me the secret to creating affluence?"

And the spiritual master replied, "There are two Goddesses that reside in the heart of every human being. Everybody is deeply in love with these supreme beings. But there is a certain secret that you need to know, and I will tell you what it is".

"Although you love both Goddesses, you must pay more attention to one of them. She is the Goddess of Knowledge, and her name is Sarasvati. Pursue her, love her, and give her your attention. The other Godess, whose name is Lakshmi, is the Goddess of Wealth. When you pay more attention to Sarasvati, Lakshmi will become extremely jealous and pay more attention to you. The more you seek the Goddess of Knowledge, the more the Goddess of Wealth will seek you. She will follow you whenever you go and never leave you. And the wealth you desire will be yours forever."

(There is power in knowledge, desire and spirit. And this power within you is the key to creating affluence".)

Closing Cycles..

Let me share with you this article written by Paolo Coelho. This is so appropriate for most of us.

One always has to know when a stage comes to an end. If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through. Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters - whatever name we give it, what matters is to leave in the past the moments of life that have finished.Did you lose your job? Has a loving relationship come to an end? Did you leave your parents' house? Gone to live abroad? Has a long-lasting friendship ended all of a sudden? You can spend a long time wondering why this has happened. You can tell yourself you won't take another step until you find out why certain things that were so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust, just like that. But such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved: your parents, your husband or wife, your friends, your children, your sister, everyone will be finishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a standstill. None of us can be in the present and the past at the same time, not even when we try to understand the things that happen to us. What has passed will not return: we cannot for ever be children, late adolescents, sons that feel guilt or rancor towards our parents, lovers who day and night relive an affair with someone who has gone away and has not the least intention of coming back. Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away. That is why it is so important (however painful it may be) to destroy souvenirs, move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or donate the books you have at home. Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts and getting rid of certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take their place. Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them. Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Do not expect anything in return, do not expect your efforts to be appreciated, your genius to be discovered, your love to be understood. Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, nothing else.Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are broken off, work that is promised but there is no starting date, decisions that are always put off waiting for the "ideal moment." Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished: tell yourself that what has passed will never come back. Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person - nothing is irreplaceable, a habit is not a need. This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult, but it is very important.
Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits your life. Shut the door, change the record, clean the house, shake off the dust. Stop being who you were, and change into who you are.

Gretchen and me...

Gretchen Barreto and I maybe be connected, albeit in some strange ways, While buying something for my place yesterday, the owner mentioned that Gretchen usually drops by at her store, despite its location which is in Zapote Street in Makati. Gretchen hates malls, but she loves shopping. Here is my version of our “Six Degress Of Separation”…

1. My good friend Tess appeared with Gretchen in a movie called “14 Going Steady”. She was one of the antagonists (“contravidas”) in that movie.

2. I used to hang out a lot in “Giraffe”, the bar owned by Gretchen’s paramour, Tony Boy. I started going there back in 1993.

3. When Gretchen was being interviewed about her rift with sister Marjorie, I was the one standing next to her. We were attending the Film Academy Awards Night at CCP and she was radiant in her Inno Sotto white terno. The interview was played over and over again, whether in the news, showbiz talk shows and the likes. I had my 5 minutes of fame.


4. Claudine and Raymart are good acquaintances. Raymart is my “kumpare” to Tess’ eldest daughter Sofia, and I shot Claudine, Raymart and daughter Sabina for Star Studio Magazine while they were vacationing in Boracay.

5. I love Tod’s eversince and Gretchen loves Tod’s as well, but I discovered it back in ’99, and I am not sure if she owned a pair then. I bought mine when it was on sale in Rustan’s because they were removing their inventory, as well as in Homme At Femme in Shangri-La, I bet she buys hers at regular prices.


6. She goes to Soumak in Zapote for her home items and other accessories, I buy my stuff there as well since 2000. I am sure she can afford everything in that expensive store, I can also gaze at them, and buy some small stuff once in a while.

7. We both dated cagers, she went out with Joey Loyzaga, I went out with one who reminded me of Joey Loyzaga since he was short and stocky.

8. She was hailed as Manila's Loveliest by Preview Magazine and became Pantene's endorser. I also use Pantene but no matter what, even I drink a gallon everyday, I will never be voted as Manila's Loveliest.

So what do you think of it, is it me or is it Gretchen who is trying to imitate me. Hahaha! In my own little world, I envy Gretchen, she’s beautiful and with full of spunk. I wish that one day, I get to meet my own Tony Boy Cojuangco. They say that money can’t buy happiness, but I read somewhere, those people just don’t know where to shop. Yes! Money can buy happiness.

Wear Sunscreen..

Kurt Vonnegut is dead at 84. I discovered this prolific author when the commencement address listed below for graduating class of M.I.T. was said to be written by him. It turned out it was penned by someone else, Ms. Mary Schmich of Chicago Tribune, over a cup of coffee for her column. The said piece has become a subject of "urban legend", she wrote it when someone asked her what kind of commencement address she would give. Eventually, Baz Luhrmann used it as a song in his compilations. Mr. Vonnegut has published 14 novels and short stories, and I was able to collect 11, and "Breakfast Of Champions" is my cult favorite, it was made into a bad movie starring Bruce Willis. As a bad writer, I have made a promise that I will read good literature to hone my skills, and Mr. Vonnegut is one of those I look up to. To Kurt, may you write more books in heaven.


Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ’97
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be
it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by
scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable
than my own meandering
experience…I will dispense this advice now. Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not
understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded.
But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and
recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before
you and how fabulous you really looked….You’re not as fat as you
imagine. Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as
effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing
bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that
never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm
on some idle Tuesday. Do one thing everyday that scares you Sing Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with
people who are reckless with yours. Floss Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes
you’re behind…the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with
yourself. Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you
succeed in doing this, tell me how. Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements. Stretch Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your
life…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they
wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year
olds I know still don’t. Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone. Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children,maybe
you won’t, maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky
chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary…what ever you do, don’t
congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your
choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s. Enjoy your body,
use it every way you can…don’t be afraid of it, or what other people
think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever
own.. Dance…even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room. Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them. Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly. Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for
good. Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the
people most likely to stick with you in the future. Understand that friends come and go,but for the precious few you
should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and
lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you
knew when you were young. Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live
in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel. Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will
philander, you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize
that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were
noble and children respected their elders. Respect your elders. Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund,
maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one
might run out. Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will
look 85. Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who
supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of
fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the
ugly parts and recycling it for more than
it’s worth. But trust me on the sunscreen…

What's Your Wish??

While walking my two dogs in Velaszuez Salcedo Park, I bumped into a Caucasian gentleman with his black Labrador in tow. He said his Labrador named Salvador is already 9 years old, and he asked how old is mine. I replied that Charlie is already turning 7, and still a virgin. I asked him as to how many litters his dog has sired, and he said he already lost count. He said that his dog fucked a lot and just leave them. He said he was envious of his dog, and wish that on his next life, he comes back as a dog. He added that “dogs have the best, they fuck the girls, leave them behind and fuck more”. It dawned on me that men are basically dogs by nature, they are serial monogamist or polygamist, they just wanted sex. Men should not be taken seriously, honsetly, they are selfish beings, I should know, I am still a man despite my homosexuality. I just want to get laid everyday. I wish I treat all my relationships as casual as that, a sexual encounter. The Caucasian even reminded me that once my female Labrador will be in heat, I should drop him a note, saying that he just stays in Three Salcedo Place, in front of my condo building. How about you, my blog readers, what is your wish as your next life? Mine is simple, to be a locker room in the basketball gym full of hot players, or maybe a jockstrap or an underwear, that’s how low one could get in search of players.