A Has Been..

After a disastrous exam with that multinational company, I was never been so humiliated in the elusive search for the perfect job. I admit that I slacked during my college years but I made sure that I did good in business school, for heaven’s sake, I was even a dean’s lister, garnering an average of 3.5 out of the perfect 4. Looking at my transcript of records from Ateneo, I only had one 2.5 and all of my grades were 3.5. I am so proud of myself.\

Anyway, I just decided to saw my goddaughter’s play, her “finals” for Repertory Philippines summer classes. They did a production of “Once Upon A Mattress”, a fairy tale musical that is somehow a predecessor of “Ever After”, “Shrek” and “Never After”. We grew up with our fairy tales ending in happy ever after, with damsel-in-distress waiting for her knight-in-shining-armor. Lately, we are being told that the princess is actually the one that will save the prince (Drew Barrymore in a reworking of “Cinderella” in “Ever After”), the ogre being a nice being and not someone who is nasty (“Shrek”) and other creative twists that challenge the Disney franchise of happy endings. I must admit, my goddaughter is really good, she’s only 7 and she aced her leading role that requires endless singing and dancing, and beat this, she can act. I can’t help but be proud and a little envious. It is my frustration to do stage, and when I say stage, the legitimate Broadway and West End musicals. I grew up without much exposure to Repertory when I was young, local actor’s guilds then were something of “elitist” and “high brow”. I did the next best thing after high school, to soak up to all the local productions of all straight plays and musicals. And when Lea Salonga was chosen as Kim and a host of other Filipinos as ensemble cast in Miss Saigon, I can’t help but wish I was one of them.

When local musicals started coming out, there were “Magsimula Ka”, “Magnificat”, “Larawan”, “Noli Me Tangere”, “El Filibusterismo” and even “Zsazsa Zaturnah”. Thanks to the musical geniuses like Ryan Cayabyab and other noteworthy composers, Pinoys added another feather to its cap. Watching them with an easy-to-grasp lyrics, these musicals are at par with what the foreign ones had to offer.

Going back to my goddaughter Kimmy, she’s a pro, to think she still has years ahead of her to formally train. I kidded my “kumare” as to where her daughter got her talent, to which she replied, “Of course, not from me!”, which brought the house down.

Kids nowadays are really amazing, and I can’t help but feel the gravity of age knocking on my door. Failing that exam I earlier took, years of smoking and other bad habits have finally caught up on me. It is a sad reality, that despite my experience, I can already say that I am on my way out, a “has been” who “never was” in the first place.

This Is My Now...

Japanese children are given little Daruma dolls weighted at the bottom so they stand up if knocked over. "Seven times down, eight times up,: is a saying they all know...

Finally, the second e-mail finally arrived. After the multinational company called up last week to ask me if I would be interested to try the opening and apply online, which I dutifuly did, I thought I failed the preliminary examination administered at the company website. I persisted and wrote them an e-mail, an upbeat one, and it gladly paid off. I received the dreaded reply, and it said that I am qualified for the 2nd round. They way it was worded was something like "..we are greatly interested to continue with your application".

Mind you, I was told by friends that I am aiming too high for this job, they told me that the company only hire people who belong to the top 5% of the graduating class, achievers like cum laude graduates, and I am sure that I didn't study well in college. The first job I had with a global corporation, a Forbes top 50 company, Caltex or what is now known Chevron Texaco, was not a fluke. I underwent rigorous testing and I was told that I was highly qualified for the position. I received an offer sheet that was 5 times higher that the prevailing salary that time, 14 years ago to be exact. I did not last long in that company, I was assigned under the Office Of The President handling Corporate Communications, I was in charge with his speeches, with the company newsletter, with external media, walking down the hallway of 6750 Ayala Avenue was a dreamjob.

Now, this multinational company will be another challenge to hurdle, and who knows, I might be back again in the hallway of 6750 Ayala Avenue. To get the best from the field, the recruitment department's motto, and I am glad that I always did my best in whatever I do. As Oprah Winfrey said, "Doing the best at this moment puts you in the best place for the next". If we only did our best during every "now", we would have the best past and would be in the best condition for a great future. I am happy to say that I hate mediocrity, and I am against it in every form. Now at 33, I will be giving my best shot for a job that everybody will be dreaming about.

Fingers crossed, I am halfway going there, and there is no turning back. As the old company logo has the moon and the stars, I am reaching for them now. As Jordin Sparks sang in her winning performance in American Idol, "This is my now".

The House Of Mirth

I received 2 phone calls in a day for possible employment. At 33, the job market for me looks bleak. Let’s face it, I am competing against young professionals, and I have come at this part of my life wherein I have made my life complicated. My asking price is quite steep as compared to other applicants, and I have decided to employ a headhunter, who happens to be in a business wherein the pond is shrinking. In this age, no one wants to go out of their comfort zone, everybody is weaving a heavy duty safety net. I am competing against cheaper labor, and for a product, I could be compared to a gas-muzzling BMW when everybody is clamoring for a fuel-efficient Toyota, I could not believe that I have positioned myself as ultra premium when the market is demanding for affordability. I have to admit, I am so disillusioned, with myself, with my present state. I can’t help but remember Lily Bart, Edith Wharton’s tragic heroine in her novel “The House Of Mirth”, I am poor and friendless, beautiful but in the end, she has to kill herself due to her being destitute.

Finally, I finished the 2nd season of Prison Break. What a cliffhanger, I think Season 1 was slow as compared to the fast paced Season 2. Wentworth

Finally, I finished the 2nd season of Prison Break. What a cliffhanger, I think Season 1 was slow as compared to the fast paced Season 2. Wentworth Miller has started to crack in real life, with the rumors abound that he is gay, at least i must say he is a good actor, his Michael Schofield portrayal takes my breath away. What the heck, I won't mind being Wentworth Miller's scratching post if in case he decides to visit Manila. I saw this girl wearing a shirt that says "Mrs. Schofield" and I wanted to give her a slap. Nobody touches Wentworth Miller or Michael Schofield, he's mine....

Finally, I finished the 2nd season of Prison Break. What a cliffhanger, I think Season 1 was slow as compared to the fast paced Season 2. Wentworth

Finally, I finished the 2nd season of Prison Break. What a cliffhanger, I think Season 1 was slow as compared to the fast paced Season 2. Wentworth Miller has started to crack in real life, with the rumors abound that he is gay, at least i must say he is a good actor, his Michael Schofield portrayal takes my breath away. What the heck, I won't mind being Wentworth Miller's scratching post if in case he decides to visit Manila. I saw this girl wearing a shirt that says "Mrs. Schofield" and I wanted to give her a slap. Nobody touches Wentworth Miller or Michael Schofield, he's mine....

41 Centavos..

41 centavos. That is the present balance in my checking account. Sad but true, I am in my poorest nowadays. I don't get to eat 3 times a day, I just sleep whenever my stomach is asking for sustenance. I attend a lot of events lately for free cocktails, at least that could pass for dinner. The other day, Pepato by Gaita Fores was the caterer of a designer's store launch in Greenbelt 3, not bad, at least the poorest of the poor don't get to feast like me. After the cocktail, Randy Ortiz, Tweetie De Leon, Bianca Valerio, Phoemela Barranda, Robbie Carmona, Grace Parma and others decided to go to People's Palace, we joined them but I just ordered water. For breakfast, I started munching on stale food on the cupboard, oatmeal by Quaker Oats has become a staple, for lunch, I wait for invitation from well-meaning friends, and if lunch is not on the menu, then banana cue (that's banana fritters for the uninformed about street food) is the next best thing, at least it has sugar and banana is good for one's health. I have lost already 10 pounds. My eBay account has been suspended for 3 weeks and it has been recently reinstated. My dogs is running low on dogfood since the supply I won from a dogshow in Boracay is almost gone. I have started feeding them carrots and leftovers from a restaurant downstairs. My mobile phone provider is regularly reminding me to settle my overdue bill. I always say to myself, "This too shall pass...", and just like Vivien Leigh as Scarlett O' Hara in "Gone With The Wind", i utter, "As God is my witness, I will never get hungry and poor again..". If poverty could be glamorous like my life, I should start attending more events for free food...at least I get free photo ops and exposure in the magazines or newspapers.

Damn..

While walking home last night, I witnessed a scene right out of a “telenovela”, two girls were having a catfight while the guy they were fighting about was in the middle, obviously defending the other girl from the wronged one, and I was not sure who the “protagonist” and the “antagonist” in the unfolding drama. Obviously, it was the guy who was at the eye of the storm, he was the one who made the “two-timing” on both girls.

And I can’t help but wonder, will I act the same way If I bumped into my ex with his current girlfriend? How will I react to the situation? I know that the metro is really small, and you can’t help but bump into someone from your past. The other day, I was in the bus with a classmate from elementary, and it was surprising that after 20 long years, I still remember the girl’s face as well as her complete name, so we played catching up, and since she was also my classmate from high school, I tend to blur names since I also thought she was my classmate since first grade. I just realized that I was a transferee in that school when I was on my fourth grade. That’s degressing from my original story. Going back, the guy was shouting at the other girl while she was clawing her “talons” (to those who are not well-read, “talons” are reserved for birds, specifically parrots and eagles, thus, those are other names for nails), and the ensuing scene was downright pathetic.

Hell knows no wrath to a woman scorned, and I just can’t help but think, are those 2 women on a verge of a breakdown, the guy was not even a looker, he was downright ugly. Let me think, did he promised heaven and earth to both women when he was scoring their cherries? The things a guy will do to score, but are we missing something here? If I were the 2 girls, they should both dump the bastard, he does not deserve that attention. In case I bump into an ex, I will just have a naughty smile, something that says, “Hello girlfriend! I was there first, and I know that you are his present sugar mommy, and I just can’t help but feel sorry, I had your man for a song”. Isn’t that bitchy enough? Or how about this, I will make a scene, and cry my heart out, but that will just make me a pathetic loser. Listening to Pussycat Dolls’ song, “Don’t you wish your girlfriend was hot like me….”, Hahahaha!

I know the feeling, of being betrayed, of being lied to, and it has been done over and over again that I am already numbed, I am just a bitter person, someone who is walking wounded, half alive and half dead. I have kissed to many frogs hoping they will turn into princes, but lo and behold, they are still frogs. And what I got, nothing but a broken heart. I am just amazed how resilient the human heart is, it will break, and yet, it will grow again, stronger than before. We will never learn the right ways of loving, because love entails no thinking, it is all about giving. When we are in love, we throw caution to the wind. We forget who we are and we are under the spell that love will eventually save the day.

Fuck those Disney movies, in reality, Hans Andersen’s ending of “The Little Mermaid” is tragic, the girl turned into a seafoam while Disney bastardized it by giving Ariel a happy ending, she got Prince Erich. Damn.