Nostalgia..

After countless calls and convincing, I was on my way to my mom’s hometown in Candaba, Pampanga. An uncle is running on the coming election and I was asked to register as a voter, I had no choice but to give in to their request. A single vote in a sitio composed of 1,500 voters may help after all. I left Manila after lunch, and went down in Baliuag, Bulacan after an hour. North Luzon Tollway has really improved a lot, travel time was cut by half even if toll fees are 300% higher than its South Luzon counterpart. This is where I was baptized, in the Minor Basilica of St. Agustine, founded in 1700s by Spanish Friars. Baliuag is a very historic place, notable among them are Mariano Ponce and the del Pilar brothers among others. People from Bulacan are the original Tagalog, its being a shortened version of “Taga Ilog” (someone who resides by the river). Bulacan is home to Angat River, the source of Metro Manila’s water supply.

I dropped by the historic church to pay homage to St. Augustine, he of notorious crimes such as murder, rape and other unthinkable acts. Thanks to his mother’s countless prayers, he became a convert later on in his life and became a Man of God. That is basically what is happening to me right now, my mother is incessantly praying that I become a straight man, and I hope the Lord grant her prayers. I can’t help but be nostalgic about the town plaza of Baliuag. It has undergone a lot of changes.


I remembered that when I was 8, my father hoarded me on a Baliwag Transit Bus in Cubao and asked me if I could travel alone all the way to my grandparents’ house, and I said yes. That was the time I felt so independent and traveled 50 kilometers by myself, EDSA then was full of tress in the center island and the MRT as well as the flyovers were non-existent. The only modern thing about EDSA was the two underground tunnel, Shaw and Cubao crossings. I made it in one piece all the way to Pampanga, an eight year old who was a 3rd grader in elementary level. I will never do that to my own kid today, given the statistics of looneys lurking around. My utmost fear of traveling then was the bus getting burned due to overheating since the image of roasted bodies on top of each other I saw on the newspaper back then left me paranoid.


My mom is a kapampangan, she is from Candaba, however, the sitio is the first stop in Candaba and sits next to Tangos, Bulacan so the dialect is basically tagalog, not the French-sounding Kapampangan. It has been a running joke that when you bring an “itlog” and cross the bridge, it will become an “ebun” (“itlog” is tagalog and “ebun” is kapampangan for egg). My dad is from Baliuag, but they met when my mom was 18 and they saw a movie together. My dad was my mom’s first suitor and her first date as well. My dad made the simple mistake of putting his arm around my mom’s shoulder and that was it, my mom thought she could not face her parents again since she has been “violated” and “touched” by a man, thus, she was no longer a virgin. They eloped after the movie and 3 years after, I was born on the day of their 3rd wedding anniversary. That was in 1970 and times have changed. Nowadays, a girl can show her clitoris on national TV and make movies with X or R rating by MTRCB and still, that starlet will claim that she is still a virgin and will even take a virginity test just to prove her claims.

I have spent countless summers in Pampanga, and in this place, I have so much memories that I always hold dear. A lot of firsts happened in my grandparents’ place. During the ‘80s, electricity was never heard of in Pampanga, to think that it sits near Angat Dam. Once dusk sets in, it was time to light up the “coleman” and pull out the car battery to use the TV. Voltes V was the hottest anime then, and just like any place in the country, basketball was the toast of the town. There was only PTV 4, Channel 7, 9 and 13. ABS-CBN was still closed back then. “Anna Liza” and “Flor De Luna” battled it out in rating supremacy, and “Gulong Ng Palad” was a league of its own. Student Canteen was still the leading noontime daily show and “Eat Bulaga” was eating dust then. “Kilometrico” Quiz Bee hosted by the late Helen Vela was quality programming. “Horlicks” was my favorite snack, and “Prell” was my favorite shampoo. I usually catch a salagubang (bettle) or cicada and put it inside my toy car since it created a sound akin to an ambulance. Mornings were usually the time when I was asked to gather all the fallen coconut leaves and remove the center of the leaf to make “walis tingting” (broomstick) and also, to rake the dried leaves in the sprawling backyard so that it could be burned and steam the trees to make flowering faster.

Afternooons were spent catching dragon flies or swimming in a “sapa” (stream) or climbing mango trees. Our house sits next to a mango orchard and it wa there that I had my first taste of a red Indian mango called “Mango Apple”. Picking santol, guava, star apple as well as balimbing and duhat was a total pleasure. Running in the ricefields and catching frogs or ricefield mouse or “suso” (snails or escargot), cooking them either as “sinampalukan” or “adobo” or “gata” for escargot was my first time to try French gourmet food, albeit Pinoy style. When I read “A Year In Provence” by Peter Mayle, this anglophile turned Francophile just reinstated the fact that Pinoys are just like the French, they both eat frogs and snails. My school science projects were usually completed going around the bushes, putting together a scrapbook of “halamang gamot” (medicinal plants) such as sambong, oregano, manzanilla, damong maria, bayabas. My first try in making my own eau de toilette was courtesy of the “ylang ylang” tree that abounds, I usually collect the “ylang ylang” and mix them with “sampaguita” and place them inside small bottles mixed with water. During evenings, I was usually asked to gather “talbos ng kamote” or “kangkong” for the “sinigang” which will be served for dinner, as well as “pandan leaves” for the “sinaing” (steamed rice). I had my first taste of knock off designer jeans when my grandparents bought me a pair of “Valentino”.

On weekends, my grandfather usually tagged me along his usual cockfights, and as a favorite grandson back then, I had the privileged of sitting on his lap in the motorcyle or beside him by the passenger seat. He was my supplier of my favorite Purefood TJ hotdogs ( I hated Swifts back then, since Purefoods gave away free “Voltes V” stickers) and “Frostee”. Those things I love, my cousins gave another meaning, they started teasing me how I love “hotdogs” and sucking on “Frostee” iced candies. One time over dinner, my grandfather promised that I could run to him when I need money for tuition, which became a constant “threat” of mine against my father whenever we had misunderstanding over money. When my grandfather whom I dearly calls “Tatang” ( tagalog term for father) passed away when I was in college, I cried a bucket.

A visit to another grandmother entailed free “balot” (embryo) or “penoy” since she owns a thousand ducks. As much as I asked from her a live duckling, she won’t give me and now I just realized that it was for business reason. The ducklings will be raised to become ducks and lay eggs for the “balot” and “penoy”.

My initiation with local showbiz also started in my grandparents’ house. A lot of “Liwayway”, “Kislap”, “Movietime”, and “Teen” opened my world to the “Apat Na Sikat” composed of Winnie Santos, Lala Aunor, Arnold Gamboa and another guy that slipped my mind. Ate Shawie then was but a mere 16 year old teener being introduced via Mr. DJ. We had a turntable and the vinyl collection of my family was awesome. I love playing “Anak” by Freddie Aguilar over and over again, as well as Cherie Gil’s “Boy” and Sharon Cuneta’s “Santo Nino”. When compact discs were introduced in 1982, we had the good fortune to own the first ones in the Philippines courtesy of uncles working as overseas Filipino workers, “Katas Ng Saudi”, as they say. CDs of Abba as well as Olivia Newton John (“Physical” and “Xanadu” was my favorite, guess that was the start of my “sashaying” days, at a tender age of 5, I have been asked to perform “Body Beautiful” moves and I was being called already as “Vivian Velez”, “Pia Moran” and “Freda Fonda”, notable names in the ‘80s for dancing). When Betamax was introduced as well as VHS, we were so proud that we already have a tape collection composed of “Superman”, “Rambo”, and all those “Chuck Norris” films.

Fiesta time was the best, food overflowed and all residences did an “open house”, meaning anyone can just walk in and partake of the food laid on top of the table. Two full grown pigs were usually slaughtered, one as “lechon” while the other was for the ‘adobo”. “menudo”, “afritada” and “dinuguan”. Kapampangan’s dinuguan is usually free of vinegar since they use other “pampaasim” such as sampalok and sampalok tree’s young leaves sprout. Desserts were the usual macapuno, sweet beans, leche flan and sweet “kundol” (gourd that has been cooked and marinated in sugar). My lola usually asks me to sit down on top of the grindstone whenever she makes “puto” or “ginataan”. I also partake in balling the “malagkit” (sticky rice) in making the “bilo bilo” for the “ginataan halo halo”. Nightime was reserved to watch over the “fondahan” (stall) at the fair and the usual “tsubibo” (“caterpillar” ride) and ferris wheel as well as weird attractions such as “Anak Ni Zuma” or “Babaeng Gagamba” were in place.

My father usually fetches me come June since opening of classes was around the corner. By that time, rainy season had set in, and it was a sign that summer vacation was over. And yet, I love sleeping during downpours since the sound of rain is so relaxing and the smell of molds in my pillow was something that soothes me until now. I knew back then that summer was over since my dad would bring my other favorite, ‘sineguelas”, and he would bring me to his father’s house in Baliuag. Once there, I was always called as “Anak Ni Kanduli” (son of a catfish) since my dad was given a monicker as “Kanduli”. My first pet puppy was courtesy of my dad’s father, as well as my first pet chick. They loved seeing me since I didn’t get to stay with them that often the way I stayed with my mom’s family during summer.

Going back to the recent trip I did, after the church visit, I went to “Gloria Romero” restaurant near the town market. I grew up thinking that the restaurant was owned by the Queen Of Philippine Movies, Ms. Gloria Romero, and I just realized that it was just a namesake. They were recently featured in GMA 7’s news and public affairs’ program “100% Pinoy” for their famous “burong isda” (fermented fish with rice). “Burong Isda” is really acquired taste, some people cannot stand the idea of eating something “rotten”, and I am lucky that most of my friends love this delicacy.

When I reached my grandmother’s house, she was so happy to see me. She served her “arroz caldo” with native chicken. Native chickens are the best since they are more flavorful compared to the 45 day-old variety, those chickens we buy in supermarkets. The next time you readers decide to try native chicken, just proceed at the wet market section and look for those live chickens sold by piece, not by kilos. As compared to the 45-day old variety which usually comes in white, the native chickens have dark feathers.

Yes! I admit that I was her favorite grandson, until the next ones after me arrived. It made me feel bad that I was replaced already by the “new arrival” and I had become yesterday’s news. Inside her house, by the stairway, pictures of grandsons and daughters lined the wall. It was a barometer or gauge as how one is being demoted by the arrival of newer babies. I used to sit on top of the heap, and slowly, from being No. 1, there came a time that my photo was not already in the wall. I asked her where did she keep my photo, the one in black and white wearing my jumpers and standing by the giraffe in Manila Zoo since I wanted to get it as posterity. She told me that she had kept it inside her bedroom. I did not insist anymore in getting it although that was one of my earliest memory of childhood, even if it was taken when I was a little over 3. It is quite strange that my memory dates back as early as when I was 36 months, quite advanced and yet, those were the years that really was the start of my homosexuality. I still vividly remember having a different sensation back then seeing in a magazine a photo of a man wearing only his briefs. Yes! I had my first erection over that photo. And I was 4.

This blog has been the longest I have written so far. I have omitted some parts especially the part when I lost my virginity when I was 7. What the heck, as if you would be interested to know about that. You have read my innermost thoughts and some of you did act out of your own kindness. Some of you, just played deaf and acted as if you did not read anything, that how badly I needed help. Well, thanks for your time in reading my blogs. I hope you got entertained or even amused. I am thinking of ending my blog sites soon since as they say in economics, there is no such thing as free lunch. I hope you get a copy of my book once it is out in the nearest bookstore, pakitaiin nyo naman ako since ayaw nyo naman mag-donate sa ChinaBank checking account ko. (Please let me earn some dough since writing is not easy, yes! It is a gift, but I hope to earn thru writing).