The Tooth Fairy

I make sure I visit the dentist since I was young. I am so proud that I maintained my set of teeth in its pristine state despite the fact that I am addicted to candies when I was a kid and eventually replaced by coffee and cigarettes. I discovered dental floss when I was in elementary when most kids limit their brushing to once a day. Oral health is of primary importance to me, given that the mouth is the dirtiest part of the body due to its wet and the growth of natural fauna is inevitable. It became a habit to put my palm and breathe on it to check if I had halitosis. I even came to a point to wear corrective braces to fix my cross bite and thought of it as my chastity belt to prevent myself from engaging in my favorite activity which is oral sex. The cuts and boils from the metal brackets would make me think twice in entertaining penises since I would be prone to infections due to open wounds in the wall of my oral orifice. And since September is the designated “Oral Health Month” by the Philippine Dental Association, I decided to have my teeth cleaned and boy! I never knew what was waiting for me.

I decided to try this place called the Tooth Spa in the newly-opened SM Hypermart in Valle Verde, a good 10 kilometer drive from my place in Makati. I found out that they are offering a 50% discount on cleaning, so instead of paying P700, I get to pay only P350, quite a deal since the starting rate around the metropolis is P400. The first time I went was the other day and I was told that the compressor of the machine was busted and they could not accommodate me, not a good sign for a newly-opened establishment. I decided to come back the next day and avail of the service. When I came back, I was asked to fill up a customary form and I did it standing up since two workers were sitting down in the couch. Finally, when I decided to sit down, the first question in the form was do I feel any discomfort, and I was bitchy enough to say yes, I did feel discomfort sitting down on a couch, which was still unfinished and without a foam. After filling the form, I was asked to proceed to the dentist’s room and I sat in the dental chair. I started to be observant of the things around me since it took a while before the treatment started, the dentist and her staff were still fixing the machine and I was hoping the compressor required that wiould put pressure on the water spout would already work. I noticed that the dental chair and the attachments were wrapped in plastic even if it was second hand. Does this to give an impression to customers that the dental chair is brand new? I guess most of us, even if we didn’t take up dentistry or dental technology knows that buying a brand new equipment is expensive. When the treatment started, I tried to relax by closing my eyes and hoping to eventually dose off. I heard the other dentist, the owner of the clinic by the name of Dr. Jill Scott reprimanding the workers who fixed up the compressor that she was disappointed and threatened not to pay them due to lost business. The acoustic ste-up of the place is not really that good so the voice of Dr. Scott is really grating to one’s eardrum. Going back to my treatment, the attending dentist asked me if I want the last remnant of my orthodontic treatment to be removed, which is a molar band. I kept it all these years and treated it like some people would treat tongue piercing, with R-E-S-P-E-C-T. I was under the impression that whenever I perform oral sex, it is like a contraption that will give an extra-sensory overload to my partner. I eventually relented to have it removed, and after an hour of treatment, I was done. I must admit that it was really quick to think my teeth are full of nicotine stains.

When I received the final bill, it stated that the amount I owe them was P900, P500 for the cleaning and P400 for the removal of the molar band. I was perplexed and asked the staff why they were charging me P500 when the cost is P700 less 50%. It doesn’t take rocket science to do the math and I was told that my teeth were dirty and full of stains, as if the reason I availed of the cleaning service was to have it cleaned. Since I only had P500 in my pocket, I gave it to the staff and told her I am going to the ATM. When I went out, the staff went after me and said my payment lacked P400. Didn’t I just tell her that I am going to the ATM? I told her, “Miss, I was under the impression that the charges would be P350, that’s why I brought only P500, it’s like going to a salon thinking that a haircut costs only P200 for a junior stylist, and when the bill arrives, I will be told that it’s P2,000 since a senior stylist did my hair and I said yes when the stylist suggested that I avail of the protein treatment, the hot oil, the scalp massage and what-have-you services, thus the inflated amount”. She apologized and went back to the clinic. I made a quick dash to the ATM machine and returned to the clinic to pay the P400. Before leaving, the staff said she’s looking forward in seeing me soon. Fat chance, I said, I will never go back to Tooth Spa, not in this lifetime and if it could be avoided, even in my next lifetime.

After 4 hours, I received a text message from the dentist-owner of Tooth Spa, Dr. Jill Scott, and the transcript of our SMS exchange is as follows.

Dr. Jill Scott: Hi! I didn’t know you were asking for a discount earlier, I will just extend a discount on your next visit.

Jake “The Bitch” Ramirez: I think I won’t be back for a next visit, sorry, I had to e-mail friends and put a blog about your clinic. Bad service needs to be relayed to other people so that they won’t experience it. Also, I heard you threatened your contractor that you won’t be paying them due to lost business.

Dr. Scott: Threatened the contractor? Everything was paid already. I was complaining about the compressor because I paid it already, delivered to me a defective unit. Thanks, anyway!

The Bitch: If you have the right to complain about the contractor, I have the right to complain about your services. It does not take rocket science to compute that the 50% of P700 is P350. I paid it anyway so that you could pay your contractor. I was really tempted to go to DTI for a misleading promo.

The Bitch: Also, your staff was really rude to go after me in the hallway and tell me that my payment was short, I told her that I was going to withdraw in the ATM.

Dr. Scott: I am very sorry about it. I was attending to the delivery men of the compressor. They were supposed to change them yesterday. I am fully paid already.

The Bitch: Finally, you said sorry. It is really bad for business to let your customer hear your “threats” and “gripes” about contractor.

Dr. Scott: No reply.

The Bitch: Actually, it was all my fault. I am such a sucker for promo. And also, I make sure that I support newly-opened establishments to commend their entrepreneurial spirit. And I make sure I tell other people about my experience. Sadly, I had a bad experience with Tooth Spa.

- END OF TOOTH SPA-