To Chloe..

Last week, I traveled 60 kilometers north of Manila to attend a wake, rather a children’s party. Chloie was a kid who was born with a congenital heart defect and she was supposed to turn 6 this coming November. She passed away last Friday, March 16, after an open heart surgery, and my good friend Katak was so thoughtful to send me a message informing me about her status. I made several attempts to make it earlier in Angeles City and finally, I got to visit her last March 20, her last night of the short wake and her mother made sure that no stones were left unturned to celebrate her short life on earth. I arrived in Angeles City at around 2 am, and I was supposed to go inside the chapel quietly, unnoticed, when out of the blue, Chloie’s mother saw me. She hugged me and I hugged her, very, very tightly. I admit that I don’t see Aida a lot since her sister Liza left the Philippines for the US, and for Chloie’s dad, Lito, I saw him the past 3 weeks twice, and he was the one who told me about Chloie’s impending operation. The first time that Chloie went under the knife was when she was at a tender age of 1. Her parents wanted her to undergy surgery in the US, and even wrote various foundations, including The Gift Of Life, which eventually sponsored the operations. Other than a congenital heart condition, Chloie was also a special child, and make that in all capitals. She was so special that everybody loved her as if she was their own child. We made the usual Tuesday/Wednesday midnight trek to Our Lady Of Perpetual Help in Baclaran for the novena, to pray that Chloie gets her operation soonest. Inside the chapel, I was dumbfounded and I cannot express my thoughts to Aida. I just wept quietly staring at Chloie, she was so serene and so beautiful, as if she was just sleeping. She had a small smile and that gave me a reassurance that she is very happy wherever she is. She was wearing her baptismal gown, which was retrofitted for the event, it has small flower appliqué and her lips were wearing a matching lipstick. She had her hair tied in a bun and she was wearing a small tiara, she looked like a small princess. Scattered around the casket were lots of flowers, and a small long table held toys and photos of Chloie. Her mother earlier decided to throw a small children party, with matching souvenir items to boot. She had a cake beside her casket, and Aida sat me down and showed me videoclips from her phone. I just met Chloie 4 times, whenever she was in their Makati apartment where Liza and Katak stay as well together with Aida and Lito. Two years ago, I got invited by Aida to attend Chloie’s birthday party in Angeles City and since Liza was also on a visit from the US, I decided to go. I was late for the party in the restaurant, and I didn’t know their house, so I asked the restaurant’s staff about their phone number at home. After calling the house and asking for directions, I eventually found it. Unfortunately, they were in their resthouse where the party continued, I was picked up by Lito from the house to join them in the resthouse. They were all amazed that I was so resourceful and was able to locate their house despite the fact that I was not from Angeles City. The same thing happened again last Friday, I was able to locate Chloie’s location despite the fact that I just took public transport on my way to Angeles City. Aida could not contain her joy that Chloie could lead me to where she was laid. The memorial home has a lanai and I told Aida that it was so peaceful and it felt like home, not a memorial house. Aida retorted that Chloie has her own style of partying. I was served delectable and sumptuous dinner, and I told Aida that I never enjoyed children parties that much, except this one. I lost two siblings already, our youngest when she was 3 and I was 12, and our eldest, when he was 32 and I was 30. Aida and I shared funny anecdotes about Filipino style of wake, like how people kept on asking about details, not minding that the deceased’s family is so tired from attending to guests and that they haven’t rested well yet. We laughed and agreed that maybe, a CD player should be prepared and be played when there were questions, or maybe a print out of what happened, that saves time from repeating stories over and over again. Also, we came to the point of pinoys expecting to be fed during wakes, and she asked me why we have to serve food to guests when the deceased’s family should rest and mourn. Maybe it is the Filipino trait of being too hospitable, that our wakes have become an extension of a celebrations, just like weddings and birthdays. During my brother’s wake, I was under this make believe mode that I was a flight steward and treated all guests as passengers. It became easier for me to serve snacks and drinks, and have surpassed tiredness and sleeplessness. Pinoys, even if you prepare catered food during the wake, with matching chaffing dishes, will not approach the buffet table and they expect to still be served, strange. Imagine, on top of doing the groceries every day during the duration of the wake so that supplies will not be limited, we also have to attend to details such as death certificate processing, obituaries, memorial park schedules, car rentals and other trivial yet important matters. At around 4 am, I decided to bid Aida goodbye and told her to get some rest since interment will be at 2 pm that day, and more guests will be coming in the morning. I can’t help but think about my own mother, she has lost 2 children already, and I admire her that she took everything alone because she was a single mother. That was enough proof that mothers are far more stronger that we give them credit for. In one episode of “Maalala Mo Kaya”, Ate Vi (that’s Vilma Santos for the uninformed), she was grieving over the lost of her daughter, and the line was one of the most moving lines I have heard. It goes like this, “Ba’t lalake, nawalan ng asawa, tinatawag nilang balo, ba’t pag ang mga anak, nawalan ng magulang, tinatawag na ulila, pero ang ina, pag nawalan ng anak, wala sila matawag, dahil mali, mali na nauuna ang mga anak mawala sa magulang” (“If a husband lost a wife, they call him a widower, when children loses their parents, they are called orphans, but when parents lose their daughter or son, there is no term for that, because that’s wrong, parents are supposed to go first than their children..). And yes, to paraphrase a writer, a death of a child before a parent in unthinkable, because it is not the natural order of things. Offsprings are suppose to live longer than their parents, they are suppose to bury them since they are younger, not the other way around. And I admire Aida the way I admire my mother, you are very lucky to have Chloie, we are all lucky to have her, because let us face the fact that we are all living on earth on borrowed time from our creator, and whatever we shared on this earth will make up memories that we will always treasure. We just have to hold hands whenever there are trying times, because people are supposed to do that, to console each other, to hug each other, because life is too short to waste without sharing even a little time for those who are bereaved, that I guess, should be the natural order of things. Goodbye Chloie, we will all miss you, thank you for your short and yet meaningful stay with us.